Jon Haidt would have a lot to say about this I bet. He has studied the safety culture and how now 'violence' extends to words. A niece of my husband estranged from her dad (who btw saved her from a chaotic life with her mother who had bipolar and other serious mental issues) and did some pretty awful things to him as a result as best we can tell because he urged her to lose weight (she is probably 150 lbs over a healthy weight). He's a gruff but good guy so not exactly warm and fuzzy but in her mind, it was unforgivable. It's also the general cancel culture where there is no quarter given for dissenting opinions. It is the complicity complex where some swallowed hook line and sinker the notion that you do not tolerate (to the extent of estrangement) behavior/beliefs that deviate from what you deem acceptable. It is the loss of religion, where one understands EVERYONE especially oneself is a sinner and that is where giving grace and forgiveness to others comes in. But you don't have to be a Christian to believe someone like Solzhenitsyn who points out that good and evil run through the middle of every indiviudal heart. It is narcissism where it's imperative that one feel morally superior to anyone who doesn't hold your view. That self-righteousness/sanctimonious attitude feels really good and props up an insecure/underdeveloped ego. Anything animated by a sense of self-righteousness rather than love and compassion is something one should look at carefully. All this is probably why marriage, commitment and children are on the decline. Who wouldn't rather create their own happy echo bubble with only people they approve of than work at a relationship which is pretty hard work? The only thing is people are more lonely, depressed and anxious than ever.Hmmm. We have gone off the rails in grounding our kids in solid principles of love, understanding, relationship skills, critical thinking and many other essential capabilities for living a happy life with others.
Thank you very much for this honest essay. Working through my own legacy of generational estrangement has been and continues to be the most painful and meaningful work that I have done. Breaking the bitter cycle of estrangement has become the greatest single gift which I might strive to give to my young adult children — knowing, all the while, that I can do this best by healing my own brokenness first and foremost. I very much appreciate the conclusions which you draw — conclusions which come not as an ending but as an invitation to simultaneously create both empowerment and forgiveness. I am reminded of MLK’s “Strength to Love” and the equal importance of both strength and love in healthy relationships. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Thanks for this essay and sharing of your loved experience. I do wonder just how much of this structurally inherited familial estrangement has its roots in the alienating demands and rewards of Winners take All capitalism. It is perhaps important to note that the vast majority of the estrangement seems to come between mothers and daughters. Internalised misogyny remains a pillar upholding emotionally dysfunctional neo liberal societies. Notwithstanding these thoughts, coming from a fractured estranged family myself I also carry the broken hearted tragedy of this with me daily.
I'm sorry you came from a broken family. I can't imagine how much chaos and pain that creates in your life. But pinning it on capitalism and internalised misogyny? I think folks would be much better served by looking a bit closer to home rather than clawing at huge, amorphous economic or cultural bogeymen. It turns out to be an excuse for human conduct, which is the one thing about pathology that nobody wants to talk about. I can understand why: doing so leaves one vulnerable to charges of being "judgmental" (horrors!), which parts of our society have determined to be a sin far greater than sloth, avarice, envy or gluttony.
Interesting take. Bit of a sidewinder. I was trying to open a discussion regarding the structural imbalances in our societal histories rather than garnering pity. I am not at all sorry about my misfortune. It hurts yes, but it has also taught me life lessons in ways mere book learning never could. I love all of my family and recognise and choose to forgive my human weaknesses as well as theirs. That is not the central issue here. However, I am enraged by the taken for granted inherited social injustices being replicated within political systems that continue an unequal power distribution rooted in gender bigotry too often disguised by social studies linguistic trickery and alleged political progressivism.
“I am enraged by the taken for granted inherited social injustices being replicated within political systems that continue an unequal power distribution rooted in gender bigotry too often disguised by social studies linguistic trickery and alleged political progressivism”
A whole lot here to unpack. I’m most interested in the linguistic trickery in the social sciences to which you refer. Can I get a “for instance . . .” (I have an incredibly dim view of these softer sciences, predominantly because of the political nonsense they push as “science”.). So my question is an eager one, not a challenge. I’m also interested in how you tie it to progressivism, which is also largely a smokescreen if verbiage to distract from what it Actually is.
I think you have answered your own question within this question. You find social sciences push bad science. Practitioners are too often are guilty of incorporating bad history and bad philosophy into both their analytical frameworks and informing philosophical ideologies. Bad pseudo scientific academic research informing political decisions can be murderous. I experience this reality daily as we live in a post conflict zone with the second highest Femicide date in Europe. As far as Progressivism is concerned I use this term differently dependant upon context. Progress is simply a verb not a noun. In our present societies, it has become a superstitious belief in the inevitability of perpetual human centred social and environment amelioration. An unquestioned belief informing all modern politics. One that I do not share. However, I do back any action that lessens human suffering and promotes justice. An idea that is included within the current deployment of Progressivism.
That’s quite a mouthful at the end, there. Didn’t think you were looking for pity, just casting blame WAY over there, which doesn’t do much for the here and now. If everybody kept their
Shit Locked down tight (which, Incidentally, I am unable to do, within reason), much of the heartache and pain filtering down through
Generations could be put to bed. No point in blaming the system.
Jon Haidt would have a lot to say about this I bet. He has studied the safety culture and how now 'violence' extends to words. A niece of my husband estranged from her dad (who btw saved her from a chaotic life with her mother who had bipolar and other serious mental issues) and did some pretty awful things to him as a result as best we can tell because he urged her to lose weight (she is probably 150 lbs over a healthy weight). He's a gruff but good guy so not exactly warm and fuzzy but in her mind, it was unforgivable. It's also the general cancel culture where there is no quarter given for dissenting opinions. It is the complicity complex where some swallowed hook line and sinker the notion that you do not tolerate (to the extent of estrangement) behavior/beliefs that deviate from what you deem acceptable. It is the loss of religion, where one understands EVERYONE especially oneself is a sinner and that is where giving grace and forgiveness to others comes in. But you don't have to be a Christian to believe someone like Solzhenitsyn who points out that good and evil run through the middle of every indiviudal heart. It is narcissism where it's imperative that one feel morally superior to anyone who doesn't hold your view. That self-righteousness/sanctimonious attitude feels really good and props up an insecure/underdeveloped ego. Anything animated by a sense of self-righteousness rather than love and compassion is something one should look at carefully. All this is probably why marriage, commitment and children are on the decline. Who wouldn't rather create their own happy echo bubble with only people they approve of than work at a relationship which is pretty hard work? The only thing is people are more lonely, depressed and anxious than ever.Hmmm. We have gone off the rails in grounding our kids in solid principles of love, understanding, relationship skills, critical thinking and many other essential capabilities for living a happy life with others.
Thank you very much for this honest essay. Working through my own legacy of generational estrangement has been and continues to be the most painful and meaningful work that I have done. Breaking the bitter cycle of estrangement has become the greatest single gift which I might strive to give to my young adult children — knowing, all the while, that I can do this best by healing my own brokenness first and foremost. I very much appreciate the conclusions which you draw — conclusions which come not as an ending but as an invitation to simultaneously create both empowerment and forgiveness. I am reminded of MLK’s “Strength to Love” and the equal importance of both strength and love in healthy relationships. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/
Thanks for this essay and sharing of your loved experience. I do wonder just how much of this structurally inherited familial estrangement has its roots in the alienating demands and rewards of Winners take All capitalism. It is perhaps important to note that the vast majority of the estrangement seems to come between mothers and daughters. Internalised misogyny remains a pillar upholding emotionally dysfunctional neo liberal societies. Notwithstanding these thoughts, coming from a fractured estranged family myself I also carry the broken hearted tragedy of this with me daily.
I'm sorry you came from a broken family. I can't imagine how much chaos and pain that creates in your life. But pinning it on capitalism and internalised misogyny? I think folks would be much better served by looking a bit closer to home rather than clawing at huge, amorphous economic or cultural bogeymen. It turns out to be an excuse for human conduct, which is the one thing about pathology that nobody wants to talk about. I can understand why: doing so leaves one vulnerable to charges of being "judgmental" (horrors!), which parts of our society have determined to be a sin far greater than sloth, avarice, envy or gluttony.
Interesting take. Bit of a sidewinder. I was trying to open a discussion regarding the structural imbalances in our societal histories rather than garnering pity. I am not at all sorry about my misfortune. It hurts yes, but it has also taught me life lessons in ways mere book learning never could. I love all of my family and recognise and choose to forgive my human weaknesses as well as theirs. That is not the central issue here. However, I am enraged by the taken for granted inherited social injustices being replicated within political systems that continue an unequal power distribution rooted in gender bigotry too often disguised by social studies linguistic trickery and alleged political progressivism.
“I am enraged by the taken for granted inherited social injustices being replicated within political systems that continue an unequal power distribution rooted in gender bigotry too often disguised by social studies linguistic trickery and alleged political progressivism”
A whole lot here to unpack. I’m most interested in the linguistic trickery in the social sciences to which you refer. Can I get a “for instance . . .” (I have an incredibly dim view of these softer sciences, predominantly because of the political nonsense they push as “science”.). So my question is an eager one, not a challenge. I’m also interested in how you tie it to progressivism, which is also largely a smokescreen if verbiage to distract from what it Actually is.
I think you have answered your own question within this question. You find social sciences push bad science. Practitioners are too often are guilty of incorporating bad history and bad philosophy into both their analytical frameworks and informing philosophical ideologies. Bad pseudo scientific academic research informing political decisions can be murderous. I experience this reality daily as we live in a post conflict zone with the second highest Femicide date in Europe. As far as Progressivism is concerned I use this term differently dependant upon context. Progress is simply a verb not a noun. In our present societies, it has become a superstitious belief in the inevitability of perpetual human centred social and environment amelioration. An unquestioned belief informing all modern politics. One that I do not share. However, I do back any action that lessens human suffering and promotes justice. An idea that is included within the current deployment of Progressivism.
That’s quite a mouthful at the end, there. Didn’t think you were looking for pity, just casting blame WAY over there, which doesn’t do much for the here and now. If everybody kept their
Shit Locked down tight (which, Incidentally, I am unable to do, within reason), much of the heartache and pain filtering down through
Generations could be put to bed. No point in blaming the system.