This is a profoundly moving article, and I appreciate it on this forum. The whole idea that there is now a permission structure to avoid dealing with family conflicts is terribly depressing, however.
Hating your parents after 30 is like being a communist after 30. A damming indictment of your myopic and childish frame of mind. Giant dating red flag as well.
that is an interesting point. However, as I have seen among millennial and GenZ children, they may have already made peace with persistent loneliness and do not want any connection to other people on an intimate basis. I do not understand it - I am a boomer, for better or worse. But were I 35 and met a young woman how hated her family, I would likely pay the bill and excuse myself for the men's room
Thanks for this. After I cut my mother off, she told everyone "I don't know why he hates me so much" (I heard this from one of my sisters). Ironically, her denial of even the possibility that she could actually have hurt me is exactly why I can't be around her; so by saying this, she was cutting off any possibility of reconciliation -- not to mention that it's nakedly manipulative: the only reason she doesn't know is that she doesn't want to know. (I don't actually hate her, anyway -- I just can't accept the way she treats me.)
So it's refreshing and validating to hear a parent say they respect their estranged child's space and that they're not going to go around saying things like that.
Yeah families are a mess, so let's adopt a progressive ideology against families and for things like making rent, gas, energy and food so expensive that more families implode.
I remember being appalled at how casually the first woke Slate advice columnist suggested estranging ones' family. Sad to read about how common this now is.
Is parent-child estrangement part of the human condition? For most of our existence as fully modern human beings, we were hunter-gathers living in small bands. Children had to move away as soon as they could because the band could not support more than a few adults. Bands did get together once or a few times a year so maybe children would see their parents again if their parents were still alive.
The rise of agriculture brought a new dynamic. With agriculture, however, the farm and/or herd could only support a limited number of siblings so children moved away often to live with marriage partners and their families.
Let us not forget that we are the first generations where regular parent-child communication over distances is even possible. Prior to the cellphone and social media, communication between parents and children was limited to written letters (once literacy was relatively widespread) and, in the 20 century, occasional telephone calls.
This is a profoundly moving article, and I appreciate it on this forum. The whole idea that there is now a permission structure to avoid dealing with family conflicts is terribly depressing, however.
Hating your parents after 30 is like being a communist after 30. A damming indictment of your myopic and childish frame of mind. Giant dating red flag as well.
that is an interesting point. However, as I have seen among millennial and GenZ children, they may have already made peace with persistent loneliness and do not want any connection to other people on an intimate basis. I do not understand it - I am a boomer, for better or worse. But were I 35 and met a young woman how hated her family, I would likely pay the bill and excuse myself for the men's room
Thank you, Ann. I really enjoyed reading this. Very powerful and moving.
Thanks for this. After I cut my mother off, she told everyone "I don't know why he hates me so much" (I heard this from one of my sisters). Ironically, her denial of even the possibility that she could actually have hurt me is exactly why I can't be around her; so by saying this, she was cutting off any possibility of reconciliation -- not to mention that it's nakedly manipulative: the only reason she doesn't know is that she doesn't want to know. (I don't actually hate her, anyway -- I just can't accept the way she treats me.)
So it's refreshing and validating to hear a parent say they respect their estranged child's space and that they're not going to go around saying things like that.
Yeah families are a mess, so let's adopt a progressive ideology against families and for things like making rent, gas, energy and food so expensive that more families implode.
I remember being appalled at how casually the first woke Slate advice columnist suggested estranging ones' family. Sad to read about how common this now is.
Is parent-child estrangement part of the human condition? For most of our existence as fully modern human beings, we were hunter-gathers living in small bands. Children had to move away as soon as they could because the band could not support more than a few adults. Bands did get together once or a few times a year so maybe children would see their parents again if their parents were still alive.
The rise of agriculture brought a new dynamic. With agriculture, however, the farm and/or herd could only support a limited number of siblings so children moved away often to live with marriage partners and their families.
Let us not forget that we are the first generations where regular parent-child communication over distances is even possible. Prior to the cellphone and social media, communication between parents and children was limited to written letters (once literacy was relatively widespread) and, in the 20 century, occasional telephone calls.