Ban Politicians From Swearing
It’s really fucking grinding my gears.
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It will come as no surprise to anyone masochistic enough to follow the news these days that the rampant use of profanity is on the rise.
Elected officials, party leaders, media pundits—they’re swearing like goddamned sailors. “Open the Fuckin’ Strait,” President Trump said to Iran on Easter morning. Of Maduro he had said, “he doesn’t want to fuck around with the United States.” Of Iran and Israel he opined last year that they “don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.”
But Trump’s not the only one dropping f-bombs these days.
James Carville posted a video in which he called Trump “a fat fuck.” A Republican senator called the war a “fucking clusterfuck.” Don Lemon called Kristi Noem a “motherfucking liar.” Gavin Newsom’s communications director told a reporter to “fuck off.” Hakeem Jeffries declared, “Fuck Donald Trump,” and Wisconsin Representative Mark Pocan, not wanting to be outdone by Jeffries, said, “Fuck Donald Trump and Elon Musk.”
And that’s just “fuck.”
“Shit” is fast rising up the Obscenity Leaderboard, too.
Of the current not-war with Iran, Trump declared, “We’re obliterating the shit out of them.” David Urban called Chuck Schumer a “chickenshit” live on CNN. Jim McGovern said of Republicans, “These guys don’t give a shit about everyday people.” And Melat Kiros, a progressive challenger in Denver, posted that establishment Democrats “fellate Israel” and “suck shit”—presumably (and hopefully) not at the same time.
All this cursing is pissing me off.
I am no prude. I’ve dropped many an f-bomb in my time. But something about this particular trend has been grating on me, and I have been trying to figure out why. Was it that I expect something more from them, our leaders and pundits?
I didn’t think so.
Sure, I would like our officials to maintain a modicum of decency, even if they are by both nature and occupation fundamentally indecent. And after the past few years, I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling it would be nice to have a good old-fashioned “statesman” or two to admire. But I know that politics has always been foul, and politicians always foul-mouthed.
Was it the transparent attempt at getting attention and (please, God!) being retweeted, the only true goal in this day of social media? After all, according to a recent study analyzing 2.2 million public statements from members of Congress, those who use obscenities get nine times the media coverage of those who don’t:
A legislator who devotes 5% of their communication to personal attacks receives a similar amount of media attention as a legislator who dedicates 45% of their communication to critical policy debate. For context, the 25 most conflictual members of Congress receive more cable news attention than the 75 least conflictual members combined.
I didn’t think so.
Political attention whoredom—from throwing out the first pitch on Opening Day to playing the sax on Arsenio Hall—is nothing new. Getting clicks has always been more important than writing actual policy.
Was it the phony “I’m just like you folks” subtext, the Devil’s mask they wear to convince us they are just regular ol’ folks?
I didn’t think so.
From pretending to clear brush at their Texas mansions, to ordering Mexican food they never eat in order to persuade Latino voters that they are on their side, to wearing yarmulkas when they visit the Wailing Wall so Jews will vote for them, this shameful and shameless performative nonsense has always been a part of the scam.
Was it that some things such as politics, policy, and peace should be conducted in a manner that reflects their import?
Partially, yes.
After all, maybe some things should be dull. Political discourse these days reminds me of the “wacky” airline safety videos that have become common of late: we’re talking about a plane crash, you idiots. Save your creativity for when you have to pull us from the burning wreckage.
And then, last week, I finally figured it out.
It happened after I read about another public figure dropping the f-bomb, and I suddenly realized why it so annoys me. The obscenity that broke my back?
Katie Couric.
“The Republicans,” she said, “are trying to fuck with our elections.”
My blood boiled.
Katie Couric?
Are you shitting me?
Katie fucking Couric is now dropping the f-bomb? No fucking way. Because if Katie fucking Couric is dropping the f-bomb, what does the f-bomb even mean anymore? And that, for me, is the crux of the whole issue.
As a writer, I value the power of words. To help, to hurt, to lift up, to knock down. And obscenities are our words. We the fucking people. We need those words, in large part to describe the very leaders and pundits who are now using them.
Look around: War. Violence. Organized pedophilia. Rampant corruption. Unchecked greed. A politicized judiciary. A spineless Congress. Historic income disparity. For over-50s, no end to work in sight, for under-30s, no jobs at all in sight.
I know that Persuasion is a high-brow outlet full of trenchant insight for an intellectual audience, but I think I speak for many people these days when I say, “Fuck this shit.” Because in large part, that’s all we can do.
We are increasingly powerless. Oligarchs control the media and governments. Our votes may or may not matter. Even if they’re counted, the results may not be accepted. If we take to the streets, we’ll either be shot, tear-gassed, or accused of being paid for, or the media won’t even report on it because Bryon Noem wears fake breasts.
We need fuck.
Obscenity is all we have. And so to hear the powerful use the words of the powerless drives me fucking insane.
Are they just posturing? Of course.
Is it performative? Yes.
Is it meant to convince us they care? No doubt.
But more than anything, to me, it’s a violation. If the government can’t come and take our guns, then they shouldn’t be able to come and take our obscenities. Perhaps we need a Constitutional Amendment, right after the Second one. Amendment 2a:
The f-word, being necessary by the populace to describe the leaders of State, shall not be used by said members, nor by TV News hosts nor by political pundits, who are all total f-wads.
It will never pass, of course. Those asshats in Congress can’t agree on anything. On the plus side, the same study mentioned earlier found that the use of such language didn’t actually help with fundraising or with getting votes:
Lawmakers who hurled insults raised neither more nor less money than their civil counterparts, whether the donations came from inside or outside their home states. At first glance, lawmakers who frequently used personal attacks appeared to win elections by wider margins, but that difference was explained by district partisanship. Meanwhile, lawmakers who engaged in policy-focused debate were significantly more likely to cosponsor legislation. Substance, not spectacle, correlated with actual lawmaking.
Perhaps someone should send them all this study.
Perhaps then they’ll stop using our words.
Perhaps then, if we’re lucky, those assholes will go do their fucking jobs with an ounce of goddamned integrity.
We can only hope.
Shalom Auslander is a novelist, short story writer, essayist and scriptwriter. He writes The Fetal Position on Substack, and his memoir, FEH, is available here.
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This made me laugh. Thank you for that!
This was pretty funny. And I completely agree. Thanks!