Examples of TERF opinions: 1) opposing allowing confused teens or children as young as 5 years old to be mutilated by surgery or irreversible hormone therapy because they or their parents “feel” they are actually the “wrong gender.” 2) opposing allowing convicted male sex offenders to define themselves as women so as to assigned to female prisons. 3) opposing school athletic associations to allow men calling themselves as women To compete in women’s sports, thus garnering championships and scholarships which otherwise would have gone to women. In short, a terf is a feminist in the original sense and not at all radical. As Dave Barry would say, “I am not making this up.”
TERF is a slur and is used to incite violence. There are valid concerns about erasing biology and having biological sex be conflated with gender preferences under law.
I’ve got a few words for tall guy, from the perspective of a petite woman and my time in the dating scene a decade ago.
I found a distinct pattern interacting with big men - they were almost uniformly respectful of my space and incredibly good at reading body language cues. I was never hassled by a big man, for instance, if I said no thank you to him buying me a drink. He might still try to charm me, but he did it with however much physical space between us as I wanted. If I was at a crowded table with a big guy on one side of me and an average guy on the other, and I needed to push into someone’s physical space to slip off the stool, the bigger guy was always more likely to “be a gentleman” and make space for me to get past. The average guy, maybe and maybe not.
This was such a strong pattern, and various girlfriends of mine had similar experiences, I finally developed a theory - a big man is simply more aware of the space around him. A man who’s 5’9” may not register the small gestures a woman makes when she’s physically uncomfortable with him in her space because he generally doesn’t have to make space calculations - doesn’t have to duck under a ceiling fan, be careful of smacking his head on a low door lintel, doesn’t have to figure out how to fold himself into the backseat of a friend’s Volkswagen, doesn’t have to insist on the exit row seat on an airplane to keep his legs from cramping in economy class seats. There are lots of ways to gain physical self awareness, so it’s not exclusively the purview of the big men, it’s just that they don’t have the option of NOT being aware of how they fit into the space around them. That’s my 2 cent theory anyway.
Having worked closely with domestic violence survivors, this guy is probably really hyper aware of what signals a woman gives when she’s uncomfortable or afraid for her safety. And he probably experienced that aimed at him reflexively from women who were still traumatized by current or recent experience. Living in a violent home gives you constant PTSD, so it’s not actually representative of how he is seen by women in general.
I hope he’ll put himself in social situations with women who are interested in dating. I think he’ll be pleasantly surprised to find that his awareness of his size and understanding of her body language actually makes women more comfortable with him and interested in dating him, rather than fearful of him.
Kat, I read your article several time, but have no I idea what a TERF is. And if it's what's referred to below (a slur and is used to incite violence in the femisnistcurrent.com link), what does it have to do with your essays? Persuasion is a community meant to enlighten, not confuse.
A TERF is a slur used for anyone who disagrees that someone who identifies as a gender opposite the one that reflects their biological sex should be considered to be, by law, the sex they identify as. For example, a biologically male prisoner convicted of rape could declare they are a woman and would then be female UNDER LAW and be placed in a womens' prison. If you disagree with that, you're a TERF.
It stands for "Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist," but it is used frequently for people like JK Rowling who are fine with trans people (as am I) but simply don't want the legal definition of sex changed to allow the conflation of gender identity with biological sex.
I believe this is the second thing I've read by Kat in the past week where she has referenced "It". I am sensing some deep-seated clown issues. Hoping we can get to the bottom of this.
That is so eloquently stated. I have been a “live and let live” social liberal pretty much all my life, and it’s been really disconcerting to find myself painted as “unkind” and “bigoted”. Like you, I decided that I’m ok with being untrendy on this issue, since I know that I do my best to be kind and open hearted.
Also Certified Ally? Really? I don’t quite know what to think, except that the word ally makes me think of war. If there are defined allies, then there must be defined enemies, and territory to be defended and... I feel very very old these days.
Not a ton to say here other than very well said. I especially love the sentiment, 'Respectful disagreement with someone's worldview is not being "unkind" or "intolerant".'
Jonathan Rausch does a great job in Kindly Inquisitors in highlighting the hypocrisy of the movement towards mandated speech/thought in that the calculus is articulated as harm vs. no harm BUT there very much is harm when those who have certain views intend to "punish" those with views they do not like (and leverage the power of an institution, the state or likeminded individuals to do it).
Regardless, I, too, am struggling with the fact that our enlightened perspective of "live and let live" is now considered harmful - not because we're too supportive of minority perspectives but because we are not sufficiently intolerant to those who hold majority perspectives.
Examples of TERF opinions: 1) opposing allowing confused teens or children as young as 5 years old to be mutilated by surgery or irreversible hormone therapy because they or their parents “feel” they are actually the “wrong gender.” 2) opposing allowing convicted male sex offenders to define themselves as women so as to assigned to female prisons. 3) opposing school athletic associations to allow men calling themselves as women To compete in women’s sports, thus garnering championships and scholarships which otherwise would have gone to women. In short, a terf is a feminist in the original sense and not at all radical. As Dave Barry would say, “I am not making this up.”
TERF is a slur and is used to incite violence. There are valid concerns about erasing biology and having biological sex be conflated with gender preferences under law.
I’ve got a few words for tall guy, from the perspective of a petite woman and my time in the dating scene a decade ago.
I found a distinct pattern interacting with big men - they were almost uniformly respectful of my space and incredibly good at reading body language cues. I was never hassled by a big man, for instance, if I said no thank you to him buying me a drink. He might still try to charm me, but he did it with however much physical space between us as I wanted. If I was at a crowded table with a big guy on one side of me and an average guy on the other, and I needed to push into someone’s physical space to slip off the stool, the bigger guy was always more likely to “be a gentleman” and make space for me to get past. The average guy, maybe and maybe not.
This was such a strong pattern, and various girlfriends of mine had similar experiences, I finally developed a theory - a big man is simply more aware of the space around him. A man who’s 5’9” may not register the small gestures a woman makes when she’s physically uncomfortable with him in her space because he generally doesn’t have to make space calculations - doesn’t have to duck under a ceiling fan, be careful of smacking his head on a low door lintel, doesn’t have to figure out how to fold himself into the backseat of a friend’s Volkswagen, doesn’t have to insist on the exit row seat on an airplane to keep his legs from cramping in economy class seats. There are lots of ways to gain physical self awareness, so it’s not exclusively the purview of the big men, it’s just that they don’t have the option of NOT being aware of how they fit into the space around them. That’s my 2 cent theory anyway.
Having worked closely with domestic violence survivors, this guy is probably really hyper aware of what signals a woman gives when she’s uncomfortable or afraid for her safety. And he probably experienced that aimed at him reflexively from women who were still traumatized by current or recent experience. Living in a violent home gives you constant PTSD, so it’s not actually representative of how he is seen by women in general.
I hope he’ll put himself in social situations with women who are interested in dating. I think he’ll be pleasantly surprised to find that his awareness of his size and understanding of her body language actually makes women more comfortable with him and interested in dating him, rather than fearful of him.
Kat, I read your article several time, but have no I idea what a TERF is. And if it's what's referred to below (a slur and is used to incite violence in the femisnistcurrent.com link), what does it have to do with your essays? Persuasion is a community meant to enlighten, not confuse.
A TERF is a slur used for anyone who disagrees that someone who identifies as a gender opposite the one that reflects their biological sex should be considered to be, by law, the sex they identify as. For example, a biologically male prisoner convicted of rape could declare they are a woman and would then be female UNDER LAW and be placed in a womens' prison. If you disagree with that, you're a TERF.
It stands for "Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist," but it is used frequently for people like JK Rowling who are fine with trans people (as am I) but simply don't want the legal definition of sex changed to allow the conflation of gender identity with biological sex.
https://www.feministcurrent.com/2017/09/21/terf-isnt-slur-hate-speech/
I believe this is the second thing I've read by Kat in the past week where she has referenced "It". I am sensing some deep-seated clown issues. Hoping we can get to the bottom of this.
That is so eloquently stated. I have been a “live and let live” social liberal pretty much all my life, and it’s been really disconcerting to find myself painted as “unkind” and “bigoted”. Like you, I decided that I’m ok with being untrendy on this issue, since I know that I do my best to be kind and open hearted.
Also Certified Ally? Really? I don’t quite know what to think, except that the word ally makes me think of war. If there are defined allies, then there must be defined enemies, and territory to be defended and... I feel very very old these days.
Not a ton to say here other than very well said. I especially love the sentiment, 'Respectful disagreement with someone's worldview is not being "unkind" or "intolerant".'
Jonathan Rausch does a great job in Kindly Inquisitors in highlighting the hypocrisy of the movement towards mandated speech/thought in that the calculus is articulated as harm vs. no harm BUT there very much is harm when those who have certain views intend to "punish" those with views they do not like (and leverage the power of an institution, the state or likeminded individuals to do it).
Regardless, I, too, am struggling with the fact that our enlightened perspective of "live and let live" is now considered harmful - not because we're too supportive of minority perspectives but because we are not sufficiently intolerant to those who hold majority perspectives.